In the past, judging has always been a favorite activity for me. It’s even part of my INFJ (j=judging) Myers Briggs personality type. I always thought things belonged in boxes. Black and white. Right and wrong. Bad and good. Judging my surroundings, other people, but mostly myself was a daily occurrence. I used judgement for many reasons: self-punishment, habit, to falsely feel close to another, to feel “better” about myself, to justify my behaviour….you get the picture.
The last few years, I’ve relaxed into accepting that almost everything is on a gray scale. Things don’t need to be judged to be valid or to prove they exist. Sometimes things aren’t right or wrong. They just ARE. Judgement of self and others creates suffocation and takes away the possibility of expansion and true love. I’ve learned the more I love myself, the less I choose to judge myself, the less I feel the need to judge others. This tells me on a vibrational and energetic level that the antithesis of judgement is love, in every and any form. (Although, love is the answer to 99% of my questions. Chocolate may be the answer to the remaining 1%). As Krail has taught me over the last several years, a need to judge is a need to have a sense of control, which is really all just an illusion, after all.
I’ve been releasing the need to judge others and slowly been letting go of judging myself. What better way, than, for the Universe to really ensure that I learn this lesson and embrace letting go of judgement than to go through a divorce. It’s been interesting hearing what is being said, how things are being judged, and I’ve kept telling myself, what other people think of me is not my business. (Thank you Byron Katie). And, it also provides an opportunity for me to re-define and declare what I know to be true about me, no matter what another may think. It extends the offer of letting go of external validation as a need for self-approval. It provides me with a bird’s eye view of how it feels to be on the end of judgement and reminds me of why I decided to let go of judging.
It’s a journey. Things like this always are. But, no matter what is said, no matter what is deemed bad, ugly or evil by another, I have, in this very moment, a choice. And, I choose love.
Love for self, love for my ex, love for those who may judge (including myself!) and love for the brokenness that causes the need to judge.
“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It’s one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it’s another to think that yours in the only path”
-Paul Coelho
With Love,
Niki
{ 0 comments }
